Taxi Driver Stories

Taxi Driver Stories Do you know any serious, funny, true, made up stories or jokes or real situations about taxi drivers or told by taxi drivers. If so we want to hear them

01/10/2018

The lady in the back of the cab said to me "do you know what catches my eye", short people with umbrellas!!!!!!!

01/10/2018

I was driving through the high street in my taxi over the weekend when I got stopped by the Police. The officer said "nothing to worry about, just a routine spot check". After pausing and feeling very tired, I said to the officer "thats OK, then admitted I have two black heads and a boil on my arse.

01/10/2018

I was sitting in the cab office over the weekend when the controller turned round and said "when I get home later I am going straight into the bedroom to rip my wife,s knickers off". I asked him why the sudden announcement to which he replied " its because they are so uncomfortable and had been cutting into him all day.

27/02/2015

TIT for TAT


A man and a woman have a chance meeting in a park and decide to meet up that very night for a meal.


After the meal they go for a drive in his car to a romantic cliff top. Not a cloud in the night sky with all the stars shining bright, they both decide to get into the back seat...


Whilst having fun the woman suddenly stops and says "I'm really sorry about this and I should have told you earlier but I do this for a living and if you want to go all the way it will cost you £50".


"WHAT!, you're telling me this now when I'm all up for it! OK, I'll pay you"
The man pays and to be fair had a fantastic time. Afterwards they both get back into the front seats and just sit there...
After a while the woman said "Shall we move on then?"


The man said "I'm really sorry I should have told you earlier, I'm actually a cabbie, it's going to cost you £55 to get home".

12/12/2014

Anyone got any funny Christmas stories, how are you all getting on picking up those drunk city workers on their office parties????

09/11/2014

Last night I was taking a lady home in the cab, she was a little older than me but looked pretty good for a 60+year-old.

In fact, she wasn't too bad at all, and I found myself thinking she probably had a really hot daughter.

Close to her destination, she asked if I'd ever had a Sportsman's Double?

'What's that? I asked. 'It's a mother and daughter th*****me,' she said. As my mind
began to embrace the idea, and I wondered what her daughter might look like, I said,

'No, I haven't.' We were almost at her home when she said with a wink, 'tonight's your lucky night.

We walked in her place. She put on the hall light and shouted upstairs: 'Mum...you still awake?'

09/11/2014

Nothing to do with cabs other than a taxi driver sent it to me...

Mr Cadbury met Mss Rowntree on a Double Decker.
It was After Eight.
They got off at Quality Street.
He asked her name. "Polo, I'm the one with the hole" she said with a Wispa.
"I'm Marathon, the one with the nuts" he replied.
He touched her Creme Eggs and slipped his hand into her Snickers.
He fondled her Flap Jacks and she rubbed his Tic Tacs.
It was a Fab moment as she screamed in Turkish delight.

But 3 days later his sherbert dib-dab started to itch.
Turns out Rowntree had been with Bertie Bassett and he's got bloody Allsorts

30/10/2014

Hey, Any of you drivers got any new jokes or stories

I WAS SHOCKED BY THIS..
28/08/2014

I WAS SHOCKED BY THIS..

26/08/2014

REUNION LUNCH

A group of cabbies, all aged 40, discussed where they should meet for a reunion lunch. Finally it was agreed that they would meet at Wetherspoons in Uxbridge because the waitresses had big breasts and wore mini-skirts.

Ten years later, at age 50, the cabbies once again discussed where they should meet for lunch. Finally it was agreed that they would meet at Wetherspoons in Uxbridge because the food and service was good and the beer selection was excellent.

Ten years later, at age 60, the friends again discussed where they should meet for lunch. Finally it was agreed that they would meet at Wetherspoons in Uxbridge because there was plenty of parking to park their taxis, they could dine in peace and quiet, and it was good value for money.

Ten years later, at age 70, the friends discussed where they should meet for lunch. Finally it was agreed that they would meet at Wetherspoons in Uxbridge because the restaurant was wheelchair accessible and had a toilet for the disabled.

Ten years later, at age 80, the cabbies, now all retired discussed where they should meet for lunch. Finally it was agreed that they would meet at Wetherspoons in Uxbridge because they had never been there before.

TOUGH TIMES FOR CABBIES
25/08/2014

TOUGH TIMES FOR CABBIES

25/08/2014

AN OLD CLASSIC

Why are there so many Chinese in Harrow?

Because when they arrive at the airport, they say, "Harrow taxi driver".

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