08/11/2025
Aside from it being written by someone who's never been on the Stony Point line, we got a little laugh from it, but what do you think?
Let us know in the comments below.
Bec’s Unhinged Reviews:
The V/Line (Frankston to Stony Point) 💥
So you’ve survived Frankston Station. Congratulations, you’ve made it through the human circus.
There’s old mate shadow-boxing a bush, a bloke yelling at a ghost about ci******es, and someone who looks like they’ve been waiting for a train since 1994.
You dodge the chaos, clutch your Myki like a holy relic, and there she is, the mighty two-carriage V/Line, glowing like the gates of freedom.
You step on, waiting for Hagrid to pop out and roar, “Yer a Wizard Harry”
Instead, you get Old mate yelling, “Oi ya dog! I’ll fu***ng smash ya!”
This isn’t Hogwarts. This is Frankston’s own version: Harry The Pothead and the Train to Nowhere.
First stop: Somerville.
The train slows down just long enough for everyone to stare at the Aldi carpark and a bloke in a hi-vis eating a Chico Roll on his smoko. Magical.
Next up: Hastings.
Smells like burnt toast and disappointment. There’s always one bloke in a singlet yelling at his missus on speakerphone, full public performance, no shame.
Crib Point rolls in like a fever dream. Population: three locals, a rusty Commodore, and a tumble w**d.
Bittern – blink and you’ll miss it, which is probably doing you a favour.
And finally… Stony Point.
You’ve arrived at the end of the earth, where the wind slaps you like you owe it money and the only attraction is the ferry you missed by 30 seconds.
You look around and think, “Right. What the actual f**k now?”
There’s no café, no shop, no civilisation, just one sad bench and a timetable that feels like it’s written by pranksters.
The next train? Roughly three hours, two pay cycles, or 14 business days, whichever comes last.
So yeah, it’s a “magical” journey if your idea of magic involves regret, delays, and a faint smell of wet ugg boots.
1.5 out of 5 ⭐️
Stay unhinged, legends ✌️